We are not alone. It may sound cliché and over used, but to those of us actually suffering in secret it is fantastic to know we are not alone. Even science is delving into compassion and showing us that when we are in compassion’s mode our heart rate slows down, and we secrete Oxytocin known as the “bonding hormone.” Certain portions of the brain light up and feelings of bliss and pleasure, care and giving allow us to come together with others.
Coming together with others is not popular in some cultures. If churches were in a desperate attempt in the sixties and seventies to get people to embrace the universal subject of love and compassion, care for each other is a topic now most people do not even care about. Fatigue and depletion is a common feeling amongst the masses. A very real issue know as “Compassion fatigue” makes it more relevant. Compassion is the very shot in the arm the world needs right now. Compassion is the concern to enhance the very welfare of the person doing the suffering. Empathy is a little different in that it is the
Empathy is the idea of being able to mirror that feeling. Compassion is the action you take. People feel abandoned and they lack the faith in each other let alone churches. There are all kinds of compassion, the one most in the news that is lacking is ”from neighbor to police and vice versa. Suffering together is supposed to be the key to the bond while others use it to protest and riot and complain to the Government. We are the people. Instead of leaving out religion maybe it is time to leave out government. Take out the middle man.
“Christ you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be” The simple result of the greatest strength being the maternal instinct is an instinctual reflex that is being watered down and out of society. We are born that way. Infants only 40 minutes old begin by mimicking their parent’s empathic behaviors and facial expressions. Whining is not action it’s a “mojo filter.”
To boogie or not to boogie. We have genes wired for compassion. To ‘not act’ takes a world of will both mental and physical to not respond to someone in need. It is the same response you hear when people speak of the phrase, “It takes more muscle to not smile than it does to actually smile at someone.” It is denial, it is blocking, and it is not healthy. To respond in kind to people you think of as your enemies who are acting evil takes a compassionate imagination to bridge the gap. Without knowing their background you can only come up with the fact that love is lacking somewhere in the generation lineage either immediately or it has been a way of life for decades. If your mother/caregiver is there to love you, then you too are compelled to lover her/them back.
Compassion fatigue is defined as an extreme state of preoccupation with tension and suffering. Acting on compassion withers away over time due to stress. Compassion fatigue is a physical, emotional and spiritual depletion. For instance when you leave out taking care of yourself traumatic stress disorder can arise along with certain self-destructive behaviors. It is also not being able to help others due to acting on “automatic” as in being put in highly repetitive situations like (caregivers for example) work. The strongest person can even fall in these kinds of situations.
Symptoms of compassion fatigue: constant blaming, bottled up emotions, isolation from others, in a position where you hear excessive complaints from others, using alcohol or substance abusing to numb, using addictive behaviors overspending, overeating, gambling etc., poor self-care hygiene and appearance, legal problems, indebtedness, reoccurring nightmares, chronic physical disorders pain and colds, apathy sadness no longer finds happiness in pleasurable activities, difficulty concentrating, mentally and physically exhausted or tired.
What can we do to bring compassion back? The art of self-management. Don’t be so hard on yourself and use your free time to do what you enjoy and take care of yourself. Easier said than done? Boundaries, you need to learn to say no and clarify what works for you. It is not wrong or bad to let others know what works for your wellbeing. Others may not be there for you when you need them as a sounding board or to take care of you for a change. Take the action you need to create your healthy environment first. Accept where you are on your path. Keep people around you that help you to validate your feelings and emotions. Do things that make you happy, see things of beauty and meditate or sit in silence. Choose your battles or worthy causes.
Compassion is not for suckers. Constantly focusing on the present and your body’s reaction to it, also known as mindfulness. It is a crazy place to be to find yourself in pain, bleeding or upset and unwilling to ask for help because you are worried for the other person’s feelings more than your own safety or welfare. That is exactly the time when you should bother someone.
“…Hold you in his arms yeah, you can feel his disease.
Come together right now, over me.” -The Beatles
